One night I had a dream...
Dreamt I was walking on the beach with The Lord, and passed scenes of my life through the sky. For each scene , I realized there were two pairs of footprints in the sand; one was mine and the other was my Lord's.
When the last scene passed in front of me, I looked behind, for the footprints in the sand, and noticed that many times, during the path there was only one pair of footprints. I also noticed this happened during the most difficult and annoying times of my life.
It disturbed me, so I asked my Lord:
"Lord, you told me that since I decided to follow you, you would always walk by me the whole path, but I noticed that during my biggest life troubles, there was only one pair of footprints in the sand . I don't understand why during the hours I needed you the most, you left me by myself".
The Lord answered:
"My precious brother, I love you and would never leave you during your suffering. When you saw only one pair of footprints in the sand, that was when I CARRIED YOU IN MY ARMS.
-----xxxxx-----
I remember a few years ago, a friend of mine posed me this question, one that I had trouble answering. But did come across my mind even before he asked... "Naz, isn't it weird, I study so hard and I pray and do all the needful. But why is it that I still fail? I have friends who aren't even religious, not as in religious religious but yea, as in know their responsibilities to God but they fare way better than me. Why?? I don't blame God or anything but it seems unfair, is this a test or is there really a hikmah behind it?"
Don't we all feel that way? Except that most of us are just too afraid to voice it out, scared to give others an impression that we seem to be losing faith in God. It's a scary feeling in a way, one that hits us at times of total despair and depression...
It's at times like this that we should hold on. I try reminding myself that all the time, "Hang on Naz" or "Don't give up just yet" but as always, it's all easier said than done. In the end, it's all a matter of believing in what you do and not giving up that counts.
My friend is doing fine now by the way, on his way of building up a great career. Why? He never gave up. Not on God nor himself. Neither should I... nor any of us...
In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't. --Blaise Pascal
Dreamt I was walking on the beach with The Lord, and passed scenes of my life through the sky. For each scene , I realized there were two pairs of footprints in the sand; one was mine and the other was my Lord's.
When the last scene passed in front of me, I looked behind, for the footprints in the sand, and noticed that many times, during the path there was only one pair of footprints. I also noticed this happened during the most difficult and annoying times of my life.
It disturbed me, so I asked my Lord:
"Lord, you told me that since I decided to follow you, you would always walk by me the whole path, but I noticed that during my biggest life troubles, there was only one pair of footprints in the sand . I don't understand why during the hours I needed you the most, you left me by myself".
The Lord answered:
"My precious brother, I love you and would never leave you during your suffering. When you saw only one pair of footprints in the sand, that was when I CARRIED YOU IN MY ARMS.
I remember a few years ago, a friend of mine posed me this question, one that I had trouble answering. But did come across my mind even before he asked... "Naz, isn't it weird, I study so hard and I pray and do all the needful. But why is it that I still fail? I have friends who aren't even religious, not as in religious religious but yea, as in know their responsibilities to God but they fare way better than me. Why?? I don't blame God or anything but it seems unfair, is this a test or is there really a hikmah behind it?"
Don't we all feel that way? Except that most of us are just too afraid to voice it out, scared to give others an impression that we seem to be losing faith in God. It's a scary feeling in a way, one that hits us at times of total despair and depression...
It's at times like this that we should hold on. I try reminding myself that all the time, "Hang on Naz" or "Don't give up just yet" but as always, it's all easier said than done. In the end, it's all a matter of believing in what you do and not giving up that counts.
My friend is doing fine now by the way, on his way of building up a great career. Why? He never gave up. Not on God nor himself. Neither should I... nor any of us...
In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't. --Blaise Pascal
It just dawned on me that finals is about to strike in 2 weeks! So that's all pretty shitty coz I got 5 subjects to cover and they're all mind-brain-boggling. So I guess you people prolly have to do without my entries for a while. I might be around to write a bunch of useless meaningless entries or even none at all. Depends what I have time for. It really doesn't help that my exam schedule is one after another thus not providing any study break at all! Well except for Computer & Prog Design that is...
Anyways, I'm back to my healthy self again except for the occasional coughing. So no more skipping classes for me if I don't wanna risk from gettin barred from the finals exams, haha. Shyte, just the thought of resitting for a paper and repeating a subject scares the hell outta me. I might get through with you people's prayers so here goes... bring your two hands together up to your shoulder level and repeat after me... "May Naz succeed her final exams with flying colours!! Amin!!" Muchoz graciaz people!! *grins*
Guess that'll be it from me for this entry, sorry this was short... and keep the prayers coming aight!? ;)
I sat overlooking the sea, watching as the lil kids squealed in joy as the waves come crashing against their cute lil feet. I watched as they pulled up their pants and slowly dipped their feet in the salty water, their feet submerged in the sand as the water pulled its way back. The crispy, salty air, the vast ocean spread, all of it mesmerized me. I could see buoys floating, boats of all sizes and fishermen working hard to make wages. Children making sandcastles... when along comes an envious child and breaks it all apart...
Haven't written for quite a while, so many things have come up. I'm currently sick, caught the whole package as some of you might say it. Missed 2 days of classes already and I have a Circuit Theory assignment and an Electronics lab report, both due tomorrow. I could've been home by now, enjoying all the attention a sick person could get, but no. I'm here on campus, struggling to finish off my unsettled business. I sat for an Engineering Math 1 exam last night in such a bad condition, I don't know how I'd fare. But I'm recuperating, I hate this feeling of helplessness. Hopefully, my ass will be back in lecture halls as of tomorrow...
The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a half-inch eraser - in case you thought optimism was dead. --Robert Brault
Just when I thought I had gotten well rid of the past that I had soo wanted to forget, everything seems to be crashing down on me all at once. Like huge boulders raining on me...
I remember the person I used to be and thank God I have managed to gather myself from all that misery. God saved me from the person I was, struggling to scrape off the bits and pieces I had left of me. Even years later, it still affects me and I'm afraid I'd revert to being my old self... full of hate and anger.
Time has taken its toll, hopefully changing me in more ways than one. A better person than I once was and patient enough to endure life's obstacles. Now I just don't know, old memories are drifting back, slapping me hard as I go...
My soul yearns for happiness, a happiness that I had once obtained... but had slowly faded along the way. I smile to the world, I share your laughter and happiness while my heart is clouded with grey emotions. I don't blame you for not noticing but I'm mad at myself for not being able to let it out. I can't bring myself to spoil such happy people with grey matters.
Don't ask me why, for I may not trust you enough. Don't try and console me for I may just ignore you. Don't force me for I do not like it. Don't try and consult me, for I do not need it. Let me deal with this alone.
I hope God doesn't leave me to stagger in this darkness, I hope He will shine His light upon me, guiding me to escape this dark abyss. I want to be led... but only by Him.
I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt to lose something you never really had. --From the television show The Wonder Years
Been so busy this past week, cracking my head up with exams. All very disappointingly tough... *sigh*
Anyway, I'm home now, left right after the Field Theory paper and as soon as I reached home, my 2 lil bros came greeting at the door shouting in unison, "Kaklongggggggg!!" and so vehemently insisted that they carry my stuff in which consisted of my laptop and a bag of laundry. Those lil fellas of mine just brighten up my day anytime...
A friend recently asked me, "You don't write poems anymore ey naz?" Frankly not much, only dark poetries now. But here's a poem I did a while ago that was featured in www.poetry.com...
Afraid
So tired of expectations
You can never live up to
Never feeling the breeze of a walk in the park
So afraid of losing
When it's hard to keep winning
And you're left with blind faith in the dark
Keeping your head above water
Is easier said than believed
The struggles come like waves in the sea
You don't want to let go
Hoping there is still light
At the end where you want to be
But you are still standing
Where the winds blow into the wounds that time etches
On to your back<
You never break in the storm
Instead you brace yourself for everything you lack.
Nazihah Ismail
Copyright ©2003 Nazihah Ismail
Anyway, I'm home now, left right after the Field Theory paper and as soon as I reached home, my 2 lil bros came greeting at the door shouting in unison, "Kaklongggggggg!!" and so vehemently insisted that they carry my stuff in which consisted of my laptop and a bag of laundry. Those lil fellas of mine just brighten up my day anytime...
A friend recently asked me, "You don't write poems anymore ey naz?" Frankly not much, only dark poetries now. But here's a poem I did a while ago that was featured in www.poetry.com...
So tired of expectations
You can never live up to
Never feeling the breeze of a walk in the park
So afraid of losing
When it's hard to keep winning
And you're left with blind faith in the dark
Keeping your head above water
Is easier said than believed
The struggles come like waves in the sea
You don't want to let go
Hoping there is still light
At the end where you want to be
But you are still standing
Where the winds blow into the wounds that time etches
On to your back<
You never break in the storm
Instead you brace yourself for everything you lack.
Nazihah Ismail
Copyright ©2003 Nazihah Ismail
