I know it's been ages since I last blogged but I've been very preoccupied with work. Too many things have happened during the past 3 weeks or so. First of all, thank you very much for all the Ramadhan wishes, hope all of you have a good and blessed Ramadhan too. It's hard to believe that another Ramadhan has emerged. It sure doesn't feel long since our last one but the only thing I can think of upon its return is my gratefulness for being able to live and savour life thus being able to conduct the 3rd pillar of Islam.
What I miss most about celebrating Ramadhan here on campus is feasting on the wide array of food with my bros back home. There's nothing like celebrating the breaking of fast with your family and performing tarawikh prayers at the mosque in your neighbourhood. Well at least I get to do that every weekend unlike SOME unfortunate people who can only wish so... hehe. And every Ramadhan, my mind will automatically drift back to about 8 years ago... back to when I was 11. My grandfather died during this holy month while walking his way to the mosque to perform his Friday prayers. And it so happened that Nuzul Quran fell on that same day. It was a shock to many but he died in such a way that it'd make you selfish for making him stay... from Allah we come and to Him will we return.
A few weeks ago, I attended my youngest bro's 'Convocation'. Yes, yes, the bro with the drain tragedy. And yes, kindergartens call it convocation too! Makes you university/college people feel like losers huh? Hehe. Well if you haven't seen lil kids dancing and singing to zapin or inang, boy you really should! Truly a sight. Have hardly missed any of my bro's concerts, it was held on Sunday and even though I had a test the next day but I really felt obliged to go. Just as all the other concerts I attended, this one didn't fail to send laughter across the hall. In fact, some actually had to remain standing, lack of seats. Proves to show that kids these days have very supportive parents AND grandparents. And God know, aunts and uncles as well.
Reverting to my childhood, my parents attended practically all my karate tournaments. They saw me walking away with a mere silver medal and they too saw me grinning triumphantly as I lowered my head to receive the ever sought after gold. I still remember my rival, Annie Kalala. A petite Nigerian but dang she's strong! Even my mom remembers her name to this very day. Another embarrassing one to admit, my dad videotaped all my gymnastic shows. Well that was after I quit karate because I was the only girl around. Hey when you're 9 all that matters!! So lesson here is, when you have kids of your own, do show your support and attend to whatever there is to attend that concerns them. It means a lot. It might not affect you as a kid but later on in life, when you start comparing yourself with others, you'll then realize how lucky you are to be blessed with good concerned parents. I know I very much am.
I'm fond of comparing myself with my lil bros to my parents, jokingly that is... like, "How come they get to wear Guess and Oshkosh when I only got Kiki Lala and Villa?" Haha, know what I'm saying? It's a joke really. And my mom would usually retort, "Ey! Pakai Kiki Lala dengan Kiko zaman dulu tuh pun dah cukup baik tau!" Hehe, not that I care anyway. I mean, what do you know about branded products when you were a kid? Oh but kids these days are very much aware of that. I have this 8 year-old cousin who actually pulled the tag out from a dress of another cousin the same age and asked, "Eh baju awak brand apa?" Can you believe that!? Modern kids... *shakes head*. Another lesson, don't spoil your kids. Well just a lil bit is okay... but not too much. They'll turn out to be people with intolerable behaviour and personality.
Guess this entry is long enough, I'll resume another day. And Happy Ramadhan again people! =)
Sabda Rasulullah s.a.w. dalam hadith riwayat At-Tarmidzi:
"Pada malam pertama bulan Ramadhan, akan dibelenggu segala syaitan, ditutup segala pintu neraka dan dibuka segala pintu syurga. Kemudian datanglah seruan: Wahai orang yang menginginkan kebaikan, datanglah. Wahai orang yang mengingini kejahatan, berhentilah. Dan pada setiap malam Allah membebaskan segolongan hambanya dari api neraka."
What I miss most about celebrating Ramadhan here on campus is feasting on the wide array of food with my bros back home. There's nothing like celebrating the breaking of fast with your family and performing tarawikh prayers at the mosque in your neighbourhood. Well at least I get to do that every weekend unlike SOME unfortunate people who can only wish so... hehe. And every Ramadhan, my mind will automatically drift back to about 8 years ago... back to when I was 11. My grandfather died during this holy month while walking his way to the mosque to perform his Friday prayers. And it so happened that Nuzul Quran fell on that same day. It was a shock to many but he died in such a way that it'd make you selfish for making him stay... from Allah we come and to Him will we return.
A few weeks ago, I attended my youngest bro's 'Convocation'. Yes, yes, the bro with the drain tragedy. And yes, kindergartens call it convocation too! Makes you university/college people feel like losers huh? Hehe. Well if you haven't seen lil kids dancing and singing to zapin or inang, boy you really should! Truly a sight. Have hardly missed any of my bro's concerts, it was held on Sunday and even though I had a test the next day but I really felt obliged to go. Just as all the other concerts I attended, this one didn't fail to send laughter across the hall. In fact, some actually had to remain standing, lack of seats. Proves to show that kids these days have very supportive parents AND grandparents. And God know, aunts and uncles as well.
Reverting to my childhood, my parents attended practically all my karate tournaments. They saw me walking away with a mere silver medal and they too saw me grinning triumphantly as I lowered my head to receive the ever sought after gold. I still remember my rival, Annie Kalala. A petite Nigerian but dang she's strong! Even my mom remembers her name to this very day. Another embarrassing one to admit, my dad videotaped all my gymnastic shows. Well that was after I quit karate because I was the only girl around. Hey when you're 9 all that matters!! So lesson here is, when you have kids of your own, do show your support and attend to whatever there is to attend that concerns them. It means a lot. It might not affect you as a kid but later on in life, when you start comparing yourself with others, you'll then realize how lucky you are to be blessed with good concerned parents. I know I very much am.
I'm fond of comparing myself with my lil bros to my parents, jokingly that is... like, "How come they get to wear Guess and Oshkosh when I only got Kiki Lala and Villa?" Haha, know what I'm saying? It's a joke really. And my mom would usually retort, "Ey! Pakai Kiki Lala dengan Kiko zaman dulu tuh pun dah cukup baik tau!" Hehe, not that I care anyway. I mean, what do you know about branded products when you were a kid? Oh but kids these days are very much aware of that. I have this 8 year-old cousin who actually pulled the tag out from a dress of another cousin the same age and asked, "Eh baju awak brand apa?" Can you believe that!? Modern kids... *shakes head*. Another lesson, don't spoil your kids. Well just a lil bit is okay... but not too much. They'll turn out to be people with intolerable behaviour and personality.
Guess this entry is long enough, I'll resume another day. And Happy Ramadhan again people! =)
Sabda Rasulullah s.a.w. dalam hadith riwayat At-Tarmidzi:
"Pada malam pertama bulan Ramadhan, akan dibelenggu segala syaitan, ditutup segala pintu neraka dan dibuka segala pintu syurga. Kemudian datanglah seruan: Wahai orang yang menginginkan kebaikan, datanglah. Wahai orang yang mengingini kejahatan, berhentilah. Dan pada setiap malam Allah membebaskan segolongan hambanya dari api neraka."
As most of you know, today marks 15 Syaaban, or more commonly known as Nisfu Syaaban. I had class as usual on Friday and rushed home(sped home is more like it 'cause I didn't want to get caught in the traffic especially since the OIC congregation was to be held the next day, today in fact) for the breaking of fast with my mom. My dad and lil brothers had gone to the mosque that night. Although my mom and I had wanted to go, we proceeded with our own lil jemaah and nisfu syaaban prayers. It is said that on this meritorous month during the night between 14th and 15th Syaaban known as Laylatul-Bara'ah (the night of freedom from fire), Allah opens up the sky and elevates every single deed of His slaves. Therefore all our prayers will insyaAllah be granted upon the Almighty's will. Amin.
I drove back to campus earlier today. My mom cooked me a lil something for me to bring back and share with a couple of friends who were fasting as well. Nevertheless, even those who didn't joined in. It's always much fun to have dishes spread in front of you and have it devoured by many. Totally different from the usual a la carte we're so used to having when dining out with friends. It's like everyone's reaching for everything at the same time and before you know it, everything just goes squeaky clean! The appetite just isn't as great as when you're eating alone.
Anugerah Era 2003 was screened earlier, boasting a parade of celebrities all dressed up in the 70's. Siti Sarah and her afro was I think by far the most realistic hairdo among all. And the awards that were given out held a very astonishing result. Ning Baizura and Ziana Zain had managed to win over titles in which Siti Nurhaliza was nominated in(she had already won 2 anyway). So I guess it's pretty good that voters are starting to broaden their horizons and accepting other very good singing talents other than Siti, not that I have anything against her. This year's grand finale emerged with a collaboration of veteran artistes in well-known oldies. Some of which had been sung back by current artistes. It was all good. But I've always liked the first one better I guess...
Sayyidatina Aishah r.a reported that Prophet Muhammad s.a.w to have said,
"This is the night of Syaaban. Allah frees a large number of people from Fire, more than the number of the hair growing on the sheep of the tribe, Kalb. But He does not even look at a person who associates partners with Allah, or at a person who nourishes malice in his heart (against someone), or at a person who cuts off the ties of kinship, or at a man who leaves his clothes extending beyond his ankles (as a sign of pride), or at a person who disobeys his parents, or at a person who has a habit of drinking wine."
I drove back to campus earlier today. My mom cooked me a lil something for me to bring back and share with a couple of friends who were fasting as well. Nevertheless, even those who didn't joined in. It's always much fun to have dishes spread in front of you and have it devoured by many. Totally different from the usual a la carte we're so used to having when dining out with friends. It's like everyone's reaching for everything at the same time and before you know it, everything just goes squeaky clean! The appetite just isn't as great as when you're eating alone.
Anugerah Era 2003 was screened earlier, boasting a parade of celebrities all dressed up in the 70's. Siti Sarah and her afro was I think by far the most realistic hairdo among all. And the awards that were given out held a very astonishing result. Ning Baizura and Ziana Zain had managed to win over titles in which Siti Nurhaliza was nominated in(she had already won 2 anyway). So I guess it's pretty good that voters are starting to broaden their horizons and accepting other very good singing talents other than Siti, not that I have anything against her. This year's grand finale emerged with a collaboration of veteran artistes in well-known oldies. Some of which had been sung back by current artistes. It was all good. But I've always liked the first one better I guess...
Sayyidatina Aishah r.a reported that Prophet Muhammad s.a.w to have said,
"This is the night of Syaaban. Allah frees a large number of people from Fire, more than the number of the hair growing on the sheep of the tribe, Kalb. But He does not even look at a person who associates partners with Allah, or at a person who nourishes malice in his heart (against someone), or at a person who cuts off the ties of kinship, or at a man who leaves his clothes extending beyond his ankles (as a sign of pride), or at a person who disobeys his parents, or at a person who has a habit of drinking wine."
Do you know how it is to not be able to trust anyone for fear that they might use your secrets against you? Do you know how it feels to be laughing hard outside but crying uncontrollably inside...? Do you know how it is to work your ass off in striving something but end up failing instead? Do you know how it feels to have tons of pressure mounded upon you but when you think of it again, it's really what you inflict upon yourself?
There are times when the pressure we inflict upon ourselves is too hard to bear. We strive hard, in fact so hard that we end up failing instead. We try to live up to everyone's expectations but all we're doing is benchmarking ourselves against others. And the pain inside just gets too excruciating that you go numb, walk around like an aimless zombie and pretend that everything's fine. You're laughing with everyone else, perhaps even louder but all you're really doing is trying to beat the crying inside you. You're just so great at pretending, people look up to you because they think you're so composed, but only God knows what you're struggling with. Have you ever felt that way...?
Sometimes I'm afraid to be too happy because every time that happens, something bad comes along and screws up everything. In the end, I set myself up to total despair and disappointment. On other occasions, during fleeting moments of happiness, I feel weird, like I have to be constantly 'on guard'. It's like, "I better not enjoy this too much or else..." Know what I'm saying? It's scary... but I'm holding on. I will get rid of all these headaches I get from stress. I will live to finally end my life with, "...and she lived happily ever after..." Amin.
Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. --Margaret Young
There are times when the pressure we inflict upon ourselves is too hard to bear. We strive hard, in fact so hard that we end up failing instead. We try to live up to everyone's expectations but all we're doing is benchmarking ourselves against others. And the pain inside just gets too excruciating that you go numb, walk around like an aimless zombie and pretend that everything's fine. You're laughing with everyone else, perhaps even louder but all you're really doing is trying to beat the crying inside you. You're just so great at pretending, people look up to you because they think you're so composed, but only God knows what you're struggling with. Have you ever felt that way...?
Sometimes I'm afraid to be too happy because every time that happens, something bad comes along and screws up everything. In the end, I set myself up to total despair and disappointment. On other occasions, during fleeting moments of happiness, I feel weird, like I have to be constantly 'on guard'. It's like, "I better not enjoy this too much or else..." Know what I'm saying? It's scary... but I'm holding on. I will get rid of all these headaches I get from stress. I will live to finally end my life with, "...and she lived happily ever after..." Amin.
Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. --Margaret Young
Been neglecting this lil space of my life for quite a while, sorry for those who frequent it. I've been extremely preoccupied. Short sems suck big time, so many things to do but so little time. Going haywire...
Anyways, here's a brief update on what's been up lately, since I last updated that is. A few days before the beginning of my new trimester, a tragedy had befallen upon my youngest 6 year-old bro. He was waiting for my other brothers outside the school compound(he goes to a different religion school) when he suddenly fell in a drain upon hearing the loud school bell ringing, or so he claims. The thought of anyone falling in a drain would strike me or anyone for that matter as funny but the outcome of this one isn't as funny as it sounds, gruesome in fact, especially since this is not the 1st bro that's had a lil drain-kissing. Back to the story, my bro came home with blood smeared all over his white baju melayu and more gushing out of his mouth. My mom and I who were in the kitchen, busy preparing dinner for our breaking of fast were of course shocked to see blood all over him. Blood scares me, no kidding, one of the reasons why I'd never pass for a doc. We rushed him to a nearby clinic to which the doc surrendered and said that she couldn't handle the case as it was much too serious and therefore referred us to Damansara Specialist Hospital. There, my bro was x-rayed. I couldn't believe that such a distinguished private hospital didn't have any dental surgeons on shift! With no choice, we had to move on to Pantai Medical Centre.
By then, my mom and I had lost our appetites. We just couldn't eat. My dad joined us there from work. My parents brought him in while I waited outside with my neighbour and believe it or not, their x-ray machine was broken. What the heck, what if there was a more serious case than losing 3 tooths at one go!!!? I found it really ridiculous. I thought private hospitals were far more efficient. I went home after that coz I had brought a neighbour along. I'm glad I had company while driving home, at least he was talking to me and stuff. Meanwhile, my parents brought my bro to Universiti Hospital where he finally received the treatment he deserved. My aunt who's a doctor came all the way from Setiawangsa to supervise. My bro had lost 3 of his front tooths in one blow and his gum had to go through a few stitches. Half his face bloated up the next day and my heart just went all out for him. He's doing better now though. It's not as horrifying as it was.
A few weeks ago, I drove my mom and aunt to Seremban to attend this funeral since both my dad and uncle were busy with work and couldn't make it. I really don't recall who the deceased was, considering that she and my mom were only second cousins. But nevertheless, we were there and I did recognize quite a number of faces. But this one incident sent me baffled and shocked and I don't know... I just can't describe what I felt. As we were leaving, of course it's naturally a custom that we give our condolences to the family of the deceased and bersalam-salaman with the others('shaking hands' just doesn't sound right) when all of a sudden, this lady of whom I don't even have a vague memory of was hugging me and crying like no tomorrow. I was very much astounded by her reaction which was after I pointed out to my mom when she asked who I was. I really felt bad. I'm so ignorant, damnit. I mean there were so many of these old ladies who had a hard time believing how grown up the-daughter-of-Saudah had gotten to be. Well I was beaming at one point until one of 'em asked, "Kerja kat mana sekarang?" Huwarrrrghhhh!!!!!
I left the procession along with my mom and aunt where we proceeded to my uncle's place to visit my cousin's daughter who has cancer. Khadijah's only 2, mind you. She had lost hair from chemo and she looked so frail and fragile. She looked so different from when she was healthy, she had gone darker, her cheeks deepened and her body was so skinny. It's sad to see a lil kid who's barely even 3, suffer from such malady. We left not long after, kissed the lil one goodbye and sped home.
I've gone through a tough time these past few weeks, sorry for not being much of a conversationalist people, I'm sort of in my own world right now. Sorting things out and getting myself back on track again. Things that are private enough that don't need mentioning here. Need time for myself. How I wish emotions come in cans.
There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. --Author Unknown
Anyways, here's a brief update on what's been up lately, since I last updated that is. A few days before the beginning of my new trimester, a tragedy had befallen upon my youngest 6 year-old bro. He was waiting for my other brothers outside the school compound(he goes to a different religion school) when he suddenly fell in a drain upon hearing the loud school bell ringing, or so he claims. The thought of anyone falling in a drain would strike me or anyone for that matter as funny but the outcome of this one isn't as funny as it sounds, gruesome in fact, especially since this is not the 1st bro that's had a lil drain-kissing. Back to the story, my bro came home with blood smeared all over his white baju melayu and more gushing out of his mouth. My mom and I who were in the kitchen, busy preparing dinner for our breaking of fast were of course shocked to see blood all over him. Blood scares me, no kidding, one of the reasons why I'd never pass for a doc. We rushed him to a nearby clinic to which the doc surrendered and said that she couldn't handle the case as it was much too serious and therefore referred us to Damansara Specialist Hospital. There, my bro was x-rayed. I couldn't believe that such a distinguished private hospital didn't have any dental surgeons on shift! With no choice, we had to move on to Pantai Medical Centre.
By then, my mom and I had lost our appetites. We just couldn't eat. My dad joined us there from work. My parents brought him in while I waited outside with my neighbour and believe it or not, their x-ray machine was broken. What the heck, what if there was a more serious case than losing 3 tooths at one go!!!? I found it really ridiculous. I thought private hospitals were far more efficient. I went home after that coz I had brought a neighbour along. I'm glad I had company while driving home, at least he was talking to me and stuff. Meanwhile, my parents brought my bro to Universiti Hospital where he finally received the treatment he deserved. My aunt who's a doctor came all the way from Setiawangsa to supervise. My bro had lost 3 of his front tooths in one blow and his gum had to go through a few stitches. Half his face bloated up the next day and my heart just went all out for him. He's doing better now though. It's not as horrifying as it was.
A few weeks ago, I drove my mom and aunt to Seremban to attend this funeral since both my dad and uncle were busy with work and couldn't make it. I really don't recall who the deceased was, considering that she and my mom were only second cousins. But nevertheless, we were there and I did recognize quite a number of faces. But this one incident sent me baffled and shocked and I don't know... I just can't describe what I felt. As we were leaving, of course it's naturally a custom that we give our condolences to the family of the deceased and bersalam-salaman with the others('shaking hands' just doesn't sound right) when all of a sudden, this lady of whom I don't even have a vague memory of was hugging me and crying like no tomorrow. I was very much astounded by her reaction which was after I pointed out to my mom when she asked who I was. I really felt bad. I'm so ignorant, damnit. I mean there were so many of these old ladies who had a hard time believing how grown up the-daughter-of-Saudah had gotten to be. Well I was beaming at one point until one of 'em asked, "Kerja kat mana sekarang?" Huwarrrrghhhh!!!!!
I left the procession along with my mom and aunt where we proceeded to my uncle's place to visit my cousin's daughter who has cancer. Khadijah's only 2, mind you. She had lost hair from chemo and she looked so frail and fragile. She looked so different from when she was healthy, she had gone darker, her cheeks deepened and her body was so skinny. It's sad to see a lil kid who's barely even 3, suffer from such malady. We left not long after, kissed the lil one goodbye and sped home.
I've gone through a tough time these past few weeks, sorry for not being much of a conversationalist people, I'm sort of in my own world right now. Sorting things out and getting myself back on track again. Things that are private enough that don't need mentioning here. Need time for myself. How I wish emotions come in cans.
There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. --Author Unknown
